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Wednesday, July 09, 2008 @ 4:42 AM
 It has been raining everyday in Glasgow since God knows when. I miss sunshine. I miss home. Labels: Emotions
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Wednesday, July 02, 2008 @ 1:03 AM
Its been almost 2 months, since one of my biggest defeat in life. I hadn't been talking bout it before, mayb it's because i wasn't ready. Who likes to talk bout their defeat anyway, shopping and eating would be waaaay more interesting. I've never felt this bad before. Perhaps I was living too comfortably to actually realise that this break up was coming. Hey don't get me wrong I'm not blaming anyone for this. Having to face this without any alarm just wasn't easy at all! All I wanted to do was to just sleep forever and never wake up. Being awake, doing routine stuff, everything will somehow remind me of him. Ain't good at all. With the lowest crying threshold that I have, staying tough is not something that I'm good at. All I wanted to do was to be alone and mourn bout my life, my defeat. Why did I let this happen? Why am I not good at anything? I know I'm not the most perfect person in the world. I've always suck in sports, chinese, self-control, and many other things. Now, I have one more to add into my resume, failure to sustain a relationship. The whole post break-up period was the worst thing that had happen to me. Its like my soul had been sucked out of my body, leaving me nothing but an empty shell. Whatever that comes in your way just irritates you. I throw tantrums a lot more than i used too. All the 'why' questions start popping out and I'd end up crying myself to sleep. Couples had become a total eyesore to me. At one point, I hated Disney so much for producing all the fairytale cartoon for children. Because fairytale is no where close to reality. Why mislead them to believe that life is wonderful and then later reveal to them that it is actually the opposite? So much for 'Happily ever after'. I hate gossip girls too! I love watching it but I hate it for being so perfect. AAAHHHHH I thought watching drama would make me happy than feeling even more depressed. Sigh. My self-esteem seems to be getting lower and lower these days. Ok I was emoing when i wrote this so what i've said does not determine how i would feel in future. I'm so sorry that my friends had to see me at my lowest point in life. It must have been horrible. But I thank you deep down, for being there, for making me stronger. I also thank him, for wanting the best for us, for wanting the best for me. But now that I can actually talk bout it and still be cool, it shows that I'm healing already. Being in a totally new environment has made it a lot better for my recovery. Sometimes I wonder, should I be complaining or be grateful for coming to Scotland. I still don't know. All I know is that, I should put the past in the past. But things are easier said than done. Scotland will be one hell of an experience for me, and also for everyone of us. So this would be like a super long holiday for meee! But must study hard also lar.. My future depends on the piece of paper that I'll be getting wei. Hugs! Labels: Emotions
0 shouts.
Friday, June 13, 2008 @ 1:53 AM
Leaving behind my beloved family and friends, my oh-so-cute dog, my 1 year and 7 months relationship, all my wonderful and painful memories, my teenage life, my youth T.T, for the place I've been longing to go and experience my final year as a university student, Glasgow, Scotland! Together with me, two 46kg luggage bag, (enough to kill me), one sling bag which weighs 5kg, another laptop backpack of 7kg (I think i will break my back, too kiasu must bring everything! ), with one huge gigantic round pimple, not to mention the redness and how it SHINES when there's light, next to my nose, something no one can miss when they look at me.. Ah, why must i be remembered as the girl who left Scotland with a huge pimple on her face. oh ya! my auntie came along too. (Of all the days, why must you come today.. Grr =( ) 
I had mixed feelings. Firstly, I don't want to accept the fact that I'm leaving home and live my life on my own. No more ready-to-eat mommy's cooking, no more yummy visits to yummy restaurants, no more "Hey! Let's go yamchar at mamak!", no more free 'laundry service', no more comfy bed, no more free McDs (fyi, i have two really generous brothers, hoho!), no more shopping at bangsar, no more Tomyam, no more chicken rice, no more nasi lemak, no more luk luk *tears filling my eyes*, no more hugs from boyfriend, no more bimbo talk with my best buddies (aw! =(), no more sleepovers at Wei Tzyy's, no more walking my dog at night, no more daddy bringing me to Umaiya, no more living at 86. Jalan Datuk Sulaiman 3, no more driving, no more everything! In one year's time, many things will change. *tears rolling down my cheeks* sniffs.. But, I AM excited about leaving home too =P I've never left home in my life! For once, I get to live on my own! Hence, the mixed feelings. Haha... *tears dried* It is obvious that I feel more heavy hearted to leave than feeling excited. All of these thoughts gave me a sudden rush of nostalgia. Ah.. I don't want to move on with life! Growing up sucks. It only gives you more misery, responsibilities and commitments. Going overseas to complete our education = After that must start working lar! Bloody hell, why does being 21 make me feel so old suddenly? I have to start thinking bout my career, my life ahead of me, find a husband (ok, maybe that's a bit too early, but hey! most of the good ones are already taken la. So, I'd probable die single la =(). Plus, the older I grow, the older my parents become. Its a pretty saddening sight. Time is indeed cruel. Daddy, I want a time machine for my X'mas present! I hate farewells. I mean I like to attend farewell lunches and dinners, but not the sending-off-in-airport part, because, it makes me cryyyyy... and also jacq, and her mom, and my mom, and a whole buncha other people too. For those who came to send us off, I thank you deep down from my heart. The effort to come all way, even though you can actually go catch a movie or do something else, summo the petrol price so bloody crazy now, Thank You so much!!!! T.T Kelly and Yeanz, as if crying in the airport was not enough for me but you had to write such sweet stuff in the book and letter and made me cry in the plane tooo... AHHH I love you guys so much! =( Not only because of the sweet stuff you wrote but all these while for being such a wonderful friend with unconditional love and care you give. Kell, you just have no idea how much you mean to me. Like you said, we went through so much together in the weirdest ways (like the kena gantung-ing part, how we both laughed in the principal office after we both got caught. getting away with ponteng-ing class even though we were caught by Ng Kok Yew, the time I got caught reading FHM in class (What? Jamie reading FHM? Australian edition summo?... WTF man!), and how you manage to shut En. Wee's mouth when you scored highest for sejarah in the whole form even with the most horrible discipline record. What we went through was just out of the ordinary! Growing up with you made me who I am today. And, I am really proud of it! Proud of what we've both become =) Proud that Kelly is still the Kelly I love, Proud that we're still besties after 9 years. Hell ya! Let's eat pancakes when I come back ya! Hopefully, you're still around to celebrate =) But of course, I hope even more that you get into the university you desire. PS, Yeanz, your letter is on my wall, to remind me that I have a great friend, who thinks that i have big goo-goo eyes lol, (I think its the eye bags that gives you the false illusion of me having big eyes lar my dear), loves me and care for me so much! It is friends like you made me realise that my presence in this world means a lot more than just an ordinary being. I love you!
Any resemblance?
That's all for now... Signing off!
Labels: Emotions
0 shouts.
|
Wednesday, July 09, 2008 @ 4:42 AM
It has been raining everyday in Glasgow since God knows when. I miss sunshine. I miss home. Labels: Emotions
Wednesday, July 02, 2008 @ 1:03 AM
Its been almost 2 months, since one of my biggest defeat in life. I hadn't been talking bout it before, mayb it's because i wasn't ready. Who likes to talk bout their defeat anyway, shopping and eating would be waaaay more interesting. I've never felt this bad before. Perhaps I was living too comfortably to actually realise that this break up was coming. Hey don't get me wrong I'm not blaming anyone for this. Having to face this without any alarm just wasn't easy at all! All I wanted to do was to just sleep forever and never wake up. Being awake, doing routine stuff, everything will somehow remind me of him. Ain't good at all. With the lowest crying threshold that I have, staying tough is not something that I'm good at. All I wanted to do was to be alone and mourn bout my life, my defeat. Why did I let this happen? Why am I not good at anything? I know I'm not the most perfect person in the world. I've always suck in sports, chinese, self-control, and many other things. Now, I have one more to add into my resume, failure to sustain a relationship. The whole post break-up period was the worst thing that had happen to me. Its like my soul had been sucked out of my body, leaving me nothing but an empty shell. Whatever that comes in your way just irritates you. I throw tantrums a lot more than i used too. All the 'why' questions start popping out and I'd end up crying myself to sleep. Couples had become a total eyesore to me. At one point, I hated Disney so much for producing all the fairytale cartoon for children. Because fairytale is no where close to reality. Why mislead them to believe that life is wonderful and then later reveal to them that it is actually the opposite? So much for 'Happily ever after'. I hate gossip girls too! I love watching it but I hate it for being so perfect. AAAHHHHH I thought watching drama would make me happy than feeling even more depressed. Sigh. My self-esteem seems to be getting lower and lower these days. Ok I was emoing when i wrote this so what i've said does not determine how i would feel in future. I'm so sorry that my friends had to see me at my lowest point in life. It must have been horrible. But I thank you deep down, for being there, for making me stronger. I also thank him, for wanting the best for us, for wanting the best for me. But now that I can actually talk bout it and still be cool, it shows that I'm healing already. Being in a totally new environment has made it a lot better for my recovery. Sometimes I wonder, should I be complaining or be grateful for coming to Scotland. I still don't know. All I know is that, I should put the past in the past. But things are easier said than done. Scotland will be one hell of an experience for me, and also for everyone of us. So this would be like a super long holiday for meee! But must study hard also lar.. My future depends on the piece of paper that I'll be getting wei. Hugs! Labels: Emotions
Friday, June 13, 2008 @ 1:53 AM
Leaving behind my beloved family and friends, my oh-so-cute dog, my 1 year and 7 months relationship, all my wonderful and painful memories, my teenage life, my youth T.T, for the place I've been longing to go and experience my final year as a university student, Glasgow, Scotland! Together with me, two 46kg luggage bag, (enough to kill me), one sling bag which weighs 5kg, another laptop backpack of 7kg (I think i will break my back, too kiasu must bring everything! ), with one huge gigantic round pimple, not to mention the redness and how it SHINES when there's light, next to my nose, something no one can miss when they look at me.. Ah, why must i be remembered as the girl who left Scotland with a huge pimple on her face. oh ya! my auntie came along too. (Of all the days, why must you come today.. Grr =( )
I had mixed feelings. Firstly, I don't want to accept the fact that I'm leaving home and live my life on my own. No more ready-to-eat mommy's cooking, no more yummy visits to yummy restaurants, no more "Hey! Let's go yamchar at mamak!", no more free 'laundry service', no more comfy bed, no more free McDs (fyi, i have two really generous brothers, hoho!), no more shopping at bangsar, no more Tomyam, no more chicken rice, no more nasi lemak, no more luk luk *tears filling my eyes*, no more hugs from boyfriend, no more bimbo talk with my best buddies (aw! =(), no more sleepovers at Wei Tzyy's, no more walking my dog at night, no more daddy bringing me to Umaiya, no more living at 86. Jalan Datuk Sulaiman 3, no more driving, no more everything! In one year's time, many things will change. *tears rolling down my cheeks* sniffs.. But, I AM excited about leaving home too =P I've never left home in my life! For once, I get to live on my own! Hence, the mixed feelings. Haha... *tears dried* It is obvious that I feel more heavy hearted to leave than feeling excited. All of these thoughts gave me a sudden rush of nostalgia. Ah.. I don't want to move on with life! Growing up sucks. It only gives you more misery, responsibilities and commitments. Going overseas to complete our education = After that must start working lar! Bloody hell, why does being 21 make me feel so old suddenly? I have to start thinking bout my career, my life ahead of me, find a husband (ok, maybe that's a bit too early, but hey! most of the good ones are already taken la. So, I'd probable die single la =(). Plus, the older I grow, the older my parents become. Its a pretty saddening sight. Time is indeed cruel. Daddy, I want a time machine for my X'mas present! I hate farewells. I mean I like to attend farewell lunches and dinners, but not the sending-off-in-airport part, because, it makes me cryyyyy... and also jacq, and her mom, and my mom, and a whole buncha other people too. For those who came to send us off, I thank you deep down from my heart. The effort to come all way, even though you can actually go catch a movie or do something else, summo the petrol price so bloody crazy now, Thank You so much!!!! T.T Kelly and Yeanz, as if crying in the airport was not enough for me but you had to write such sweet stuff in the book and letter and made me cry in the plane tooo... AHHH I love you guys so much! =( Not only because of the sweet stuff you wrote but all these while for being such a wonderful friend with unconditional love and care you give. Kell, you just have no idea how much you mean to me. Like you said, we went through so much together in the weirdest ways (like the kena gantung-ing part, how we both laughed in the principal office after we both got caught. getting away with ponteng-ing class even though we were caught by Ng Kok Yew, the time I got caught reading FHM in class (What? Jamie reading FHM? Australian edition summo?... WTF man!), and how you manage to shut En. Wee's mouth when you scored highest for sejarah in the whole form even with the most horrible discipline record. What we went through was just out of the ordinary! Growing up with you made me who I am today. And, I am really proud of it! Proud of what we've both become =) Proud that Kelly is still the Kelly I love, Proud that we're still besties after 9 years. Hell ya! Let's eat pancakes when I come back ya! Hopefully, you're still around to celebrate =) But of course, I hope even more that you get into the university you desire. PS, Yeanz, your letter is on my wall, to remind me that I have a great friend, who thinks that i have big goo-goo eyes lol, (I think its the eye bags that gives you the false illusion of me having big eyes lar my dear), loves me and care for me so much! It is friends like you made me realise that my presence in this world means a lot more than just an ordinary being. I love you!
Any resemblance?
That's all for now... Signing off!
Labels: Emotions
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